Zutto Ikite
by eine.hexe
Summary: Broken souls don't get second chances, but she still prayed for him to find her again.
1. Hitomi wo tojite

**Zutto Ikite**

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

In the crispy chill of the night, a frozen angel fell silent. Her beautiful features could have easily been twisted in despair, yet she dared not think negatively. She dared not even blink. This could not be happening.

_Please, tell me it's not true…_

"Inu… Yasha…"

The blessed name rolled off her tongue so easily, she never wanted it tainted with such anguish that was starting to envelop her. She wanted to fight against the pulling tendrils that disgusted her, that made her feel dirty, made her skin crawl, but gradually found she couldn't.

_Please, let it be a dream…_

The cliff was rocky – it was a cliff, after all – and she wanted to scream at herself for being afraid of falling. She shouldn't have such mundane thoughts at a time like this. But if she got too close to the edge, then would she… too?

_No._

Realization cut her senses like a sharp blade. Frozen, stinging reality stabbed her in the back and it felt like she would never be whole again. The world was drastically unfair to have taken such a valuable treasure from her, she would never forgive it. Slowly, though, she understood.

_He's…_

Her gasp never found its way past her throat as she pondered on that dreadful, bones-chilling word. He could not be dead. He simply could not. She remembered that adventure of theirs in Tougenkyou, he had made it that time. It was the same now, wasn't it? She had never felt a more desperate need for the sun to throw its beams across the sky. Instead, the sky held its darkness still, as if mocking her wishes. Nature was cruel to her, to him; time was not to their advantage this time.

_One time too many…_

But she traveled through a well to five hundred years in the future, she'd nearly been killed countless times. There was no such thing as impossible, was there?

_Please make it, Inuyasha._

Letting her brows furrow for a second, though denying access to the upcoming tears, Kagome let herself fall to her knees on the rocky ground. She would never pray so hard as now. Clasping her hands together, she closed her eyes and reached the skies with her heart, with her soul. She wished, she begged, she asked for forgiveness, for help.

_Please…_

Maybe the sun would have mercy and rise earlier, maybe the Shikon no Tama would decide to grant her a wish. It was worth any try, because there was no way Inuyasha was dead.

_No way…_

But he was. And after what felt like hours, Kagome couldn't ignore it anymore. Then came the pain. Waves, torrents, and they were still coming. They were unafraid, tactless, ruthless. When she felt she couldn't breathe, they squeezed her neck tighter in defiance. When her heart crashed with the rocks from the cliff that still fell from time to time, they would grow spears and pierce her with them. It was a perverse, malicious game she didn't want to take part in, but she couldn't help it. Any of this couldn't be helped.

_Inuyasha, are you really…?_

She was afraid to say it, afraid to admit it. Yet it lingered in the back of her mind and opened the gate to the flood of tears that came faithfully, wreaking havoc.

And it was funny, too, though not amusing. The twisted angle his right leg was in, the blood coating his chest, dark and unyielding, seeping through the red fabric – what had once been the invincible Robe of the Fire Rat. His eyes were wide open; they were as dark as the night and she vaguely wondered how she could see him in the shadows. He could've been okay had it not been for the blow to the head. And the most disturbing evidence to this was the blood that pooled around his slick, dark locks.

Beside him was the demon he'd killed. The demon he'd tackled and jumped with for _her_.

_Inu… Yasha…_

This time, he wasn't coming back. This time, there were still hours to sunrise and he was human and broken beyond repair. Only this once she felt the darkest, most sinister voice of doom telling her what she dared not whisper.

'He's dead.'

And it was all because of her.

Honestly, she wanted to curse him for being stupid for the second time, for making the same mistakes. Had he not learned from his past? But how could she betray him like this? How could she be anything else than grateful? She was alive when she should not have been and he was… gone.

Her shoulders trembled as if the whole sky had fallen on them and she had to support its weight with her weak body. But she'd do it, for Inuyasha's sake.

_Inuyasha…_

The brave half-demon that stopped at nothing when it came to defending the ones he cared about. Kagome knew how much the hanyou had cared about her, and she was truly indebted. The extent of how much she owed him went beyond her mere life.

It was spring and the sakura blossoms were beautiful; it didn't help any. The delicate petals fell around her in a secretive dance pattern – she didn't want to be part of it. She wanted nothing to do with this striking, enigmatic side of nature when she should be mourning Inuyasha's loss.

It was by the Kami's will that the sakura tree was on the cliff, she was sure, when a petal tumbled in the air, descending agonizingly slow, as if to give Kagome enough time to measure her own failures, before landing on the hanyou's bare neck. Tears fell from Kagome's eyes and she wished they could join that lone petal, she wished there was a way she could touch the body lying there helplessly.

Breathing hurt. _Living_ hurt. She acknowledged the pain for what it was and welcomed every bit of sadness that caught her unawares. Here, in this peaceful solitude, she could mourn. Here she could give him every little piece of her soul that did not want to let him go.

_Don't go, Inuyasha…_

And his words came back with the wind.

_I don't want to…_

Her soul cracked. She didn't know if she was imagining it or not, but it felt good to hear it. His voice, that characteristically strong male voice that could sometimes hold such gentleness when he spoke to her. Maybe it was wrong of her to do so, but she relished these words that meant he did not want to leave her. She was desperate to talk to him, to let him know…

_I love you._

But he did not respond.

She heard the sounds signaling their friends' arrival, but didn't want to look away. As twisted as it seemed, the mere notion of her letting Inuyasha out of her sight sounded obscene.

They hadn't had the chance to say goodbye. She hadn't made him promise he would find her again. But she knew, she was sure that he would fight against time itself to come back to her, to return to her arms.

Different gasps and whimpers and the presence of three bodies around her told her they already knew. She closed her eyes to help the sting a bit, but it never got better. Feminine sobs echoed in the distance and she was amazed at how easily her friends accepted his death, how quickly they recognized this for what it was, when she was still having trouble grasping the whole concept.

Inuyasha was… no more. She would not touch him anymore, she would not be able to revel in his presence, never hear his voice again in any place other than her dreams, and it wasn't fair.

And she would never see his golden eyes, his silver hair and puppy ears. Another thing she'd been robbed of. He hadn't even died in his natural form as a half demon. How was that fair? Would he transform come sunrise? His blood was cold now.

She heard a small prayer falling off the monk's lips and looked to her right. Her heart broke all over again at the sight of her friends grieving. Sango looked at her as if she pitied her, and she realized that maybe she did. They all knew how much this hurt her, didn't they?

"Kagome-chan," the demon slayer said tentatively, not knowing how to continue, but Kagome merely shook her head.

"Inuyasha no baka," Kagome heard Shippou grunt through his tears, his tiny fists rubbing his eyes erratically. It was endearing, but… it hurt.

"May he find eternal peace," Miroku said gravely, trying not to let the tears get the better of him. Kagome was just grateful she was not alone in this, even though she felt like a traitor. She was consoled by the presence of others while _he_ was in a place where he would forever be alone.

Or… perhaps he would find happiness once again.

_Inuyasha?_

Kagome looked at the sky, pressing a palm against her chest. She wanted to tell him something, but how would it sound? The first signs of dawn made themselves known and she found she dreaded this moment for some reason.

When the sun finally assumed its place on the vast sky, Kagome wanted to curse it for not being swifter. For not being there. But instead, she looked down from the cliff to see that Inuyasha had not transformed. He was still human, his body would still rot, he was still so very… so…

Inuyasha was dead.

_Inuyasha? Zutto ikite._

_

* * *

_

_**A/N: First chapter. I don't think it will be a long story, but I just felt like writing this. I know it's been done one time too many, but this is my version. Please review and tell me what you think of it :)**_

_**Zutto ikite = Live on forever  
**_


	2. Tasukete

**Zutto Ikite**

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

She still hadn't learned how to deal with it. Even after six agonizingly long years, the pain hadn't diminished, yet it had surprisingly dulled. The knowledge that her beloved hanyou wasn't going to appear at her window in the middle of the night to drag her back to the Feudal Era had been hard to grasp all along, so Kagome didn't bother trying. In fact, she liked to think of him still alive sometimes.

Like a make-believe game.

A game that stabbed her in the back every time she approached it.

"Kagome-chan," she heard from around the corner. Her lips tilted up in a very fake smile, one that was translucent for those who knew her. Still, it was her only way of going on and they all respected it. After six years, she had developed a self-protecting mechanism and it worked like a charm. Most of the time.

If only her heart could be cured…

_So much searing pain and bittersweet memories... Regardless of the present, they were here first._

"Souta-kun?" She almost couldn't believe it; her little brother had become a fine adolescent and she was so proud of him. His perception of things surprised her at times, because she still regarded him as a child that would ask for advice on how to impress a girl. For Kagome, Souta was the image of the perfect past that had never belonged to her. She loved him even more because of this, but she would never tell him that.

"Kagome-chan," the boy said cheerfully. "I'm going to send Keiko-san to your office today," he declared playfully, winking at the giggling young woman.

"Gee, don't do me a favor, Souta," Kagome replied, rolling her eyes. Whenever her brother wanted to speak about someone he didn't like, he'd joke about how he thought they were crazy and they should be brought to Kagome so she could cure them.

Then, as every time, she'd faithfully respond, "I am not a psychiatrist. I am a proud psychologist, and I offer counseling, not prescriptions." She loved her job, because every time she heard people complaining about their troubles reminded her that she wasn't the only one suffering, that there was always room for worse.

_Inuyasha…_

A sigh escaped her lips and surely Souta picked up on it, though he said nothing, as usual. Six years had passed and Kagome wouldn't let any man get close to her. Whether she felt it was an obligation or whether it was out of guilt Souta had no idea, but he would never open this delicate subject. He knew how much it disturbed his sister, and truthfully, sometimes it even kept _him_ up at night.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just I can't believe how shallow she is. I tried getting along with her, but she's impossible." He'd rip out his hair if he wasn't almost bald. For years Souta had been convinced that it looked good on him, and since no one was making a big deal out of it anymore, he saw no reason to let his hair grow. Maybe the fact that every time it grew an inch it reminded him of his childhood hero – the not-quite-man with the not-quite-natural powers – had something to do with it, though he wasn't sure he was ready to admit it to himself. He might never be, and in those moments he understood Kagome best.

His sister was the most damaged by the tragedy of Inuyasha's death.

"Maybe you aren't looking at it from the right angle. Why don't you give her a chance? Surely she has a reason for-"

"Oh, don't give me that counseling shit, nee-chan. The girl is simply _evil_." Then, to prove his point, Souta shivered with a grimace, making Kagome giggle in amusement. It was so rare these days.

"Fine. Though if you really want to, you can send her to me." _I'll help her,_ she wanted to say, but something kept her. How could she claim to be able to help someone if she couldn't help herself? How could she say such a thing when she hadn't saved the one that mattered?

_Zutto ikite._

She'd really meant those words at the time, though now they felt incredibly trivial. In a way, she was desperately waiting to see him again. She'd only recently been able to sever all ties to the past, to those who had known Inuyasha almost as well as she had known him.

Dully, Kagome had been able to help them kill Naraku then she had watched Sango and Miroku get married, have two beautiful twin daughters and a son, and Shippou get past all his exams, but it had soon become too much for her pour soul. Everything in that forest and village reminded her of her hanyou, of all her failures.

So she had left without a goodbye.

"What do you say about that yakitori you promised to make me?" Souta asked, smiling suggestively.

"Sure thing, kiddo."

Like always, Kagome missed her brother's frown that was soon replaced by a sympathetic smile.

Tedious days went by and she let herself overwhelmed by her office work. People came and poured their souls while she offered them heartfelt advice. Most were content with what she could give, though some were not.

A small part of them were crazy.

It felt more like a necessity then a duty. By helping them, she felt she helped the aching soul of her lost lover. Their missed chance at love, their tragedy, it was engraved deep within her mind and soul.

People greeted her wherever she went and familiar faces called her Higurashi Sensei. She was naturally quite good at what she did, but she didn't like praise. Her talent came from within her heart – deep inside Kagome wanted to do good.

This morning, Noriko-chan hadn't brought her coffee. Her eyes hurt and she could feel the familiar tendrils of exhaustion pull at her arms, so she needed the energy boost. Quickly, Kagome checked her agenda for possible appointments, and she was clear. Perfect. What could happen if she took ten minutes to go grab a cup of coffee? The espresso in the hospital lobby was quite close to her office, so she could notice if anyone entered it. Not that she would pay attention, she was sure.

Grabbing her purse, Kagome ran a hand through her stray locks, silently begging her hair to be still for once. When she didn't succeed, she let her wedge heels carry her out of her office and to the espresso machine. She wasn't first in line, she noticed, as there was a seemingly young boy facing the machine, his shoulder-length dark hair disheveled enough for her to think he was a punk.

_Boys nowadays are so insensitive._

Just when she reached him, he moved to the wall in front of him without noticing her, turning around to tilt his head back against the cold tile. His face startled her and her traitorous heart skipped a couple of beats out of sheer surprise. His eyes were closed as he waited for his coffee to get ready. For some reason, Kagome didn't want him to open his eyes for fear of dying if they were the same intense orbs she loved.

_Could it be…?_

The tension gnawed at her entrails, denying her the peace she felt she deserved. It had been so long since she'd last seen his face – _his bloody, twisted features_ – and this boy resembled him too much for his own good.

_Is it possible…?_

Her heart beat ten times faster, she assumed, so she clutched her chest in a futile attempt to soothe it. Her breath wasn't any better – it felt like she'd ran all her life and she'd only now stopped with the sole intention of resting her lungs. Anxiety greater than everything gripped her, refusing to let go, making her compelled to keep watching him.

His left eye twitched shortly and the young psychologist realized this boy seemed very tense, despite his relaxed posture. She never once thought about what might concern him, because she was too enwrapped in his otherworldly traits to care.

_He looks like…_

She couldn't say it, because she was afraid she might believe it, and so the disappointment would be thousand times greater when she'd find out it wasn't him. It couldn't be him, her hanyou. This boy seemed so vulnerable, so troubled. Inuyasha was wild, and powerful – manly. All this boy inspired was empathy; it just couldn't be Inuyasha.

_What are the chances?_

The sound of the espresso machine ended abruptly and the boy opened his eyes just as unexpectedly. Kagome started at the molten intensity she read in them as he stared back at her. For a moment, it was only her, his eyes, and the tingles that wouldn't leave her alone. Shivers climbed up her spine like serpents knowing every crevice of her body and she masochistically found she couldn't breathe.

His eyes were _his_ eyes. The same dark orbs Inuyasha would have whenever he was human. Whoever this boy was, he was a spitting image of her beloved every New Moon.

And just like that, she felt safe. A warm feeling encased her body as she let him pick up his cup so she could go make hers. Subconsciously, her eyes avoided him, pretending not to pay attention. Though he'd certainly seen her stare and had said nothing. Maybe she was wrong. Perhaps her tired eyes were playing tricks on her, although no matter how many times she closed and opened them, his face wouldn't change. Despite his short hair and thinner appearance, everything about him screamed _Inuyasha_.

Against her wishes, Kagome said nothing, but kept watching him furtively. He seemed torn between leaving and staying, but he apparently opted for drinking his coffee next to her. Unwilling to break this new trust she sensed between them, Kagome grabbed her own cup and sipped the hot liquid slowly, careful not to get burned. The boy who was _not_ Inuyasha, she kept telling herself, was still leaning against the wall, his espresso hanging loosely in his right hand.

Come to think of it, he didn't seem so young anymore. Perhaps he was about 20 years or so; she couldn't be sure. But his eyes told a story she wasn't sure she was supposed to understand. They were trained on her every move and it made her strangely self-conscious, though she never did anything to discourage him from looking her way. Something about him made her enjoy his presence, even if she wasn't sure whether it was the fact that he resembled Inuyasha or not.

They didn't say anything this first time they met, and she was sure she'd have it no other way. Guiltlessly, Kagome gripped her purse as she threw the coffee in the bin and set her eyes on the office door, intent on ignoring the boy and getting ready for her next appointment.

That night was her first nightmare-free night.

The next few days she was there religiously every morning, having told Noriko-san not to bother with bringing her coffee anymore. As expected, the boy was there as well, watching her with a strange, curious gaze. She refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing what she was thinking, so the only thing she allowed herself to do was drink the espresso and watch him out of the corner of her eyes then leave. He didn't do anything special, either.

After a while she found out from some nurses that he came to the hospital every day to donate blood. His tenacity amazed her and made her wonder the reason behind his actions. Nowadays, no one came to donate this much blood without a good cause.

Sometimes she wondered what his voice sounded like, although she wasn't sure she wanted to know. It had been too long since she'd last hear Inuyasha's voice and she somehow wanted it to remain that way. She didn't want to get her hopes high for nothing.

'_Kagome, I-'_

She'd shushed him that day and would regret it till the end of her life.

_The insecurity and guilt, they hurt the most._

She missed him. And because of this, she found solace in that boy's presence, however wrong it sounded. If Souta knew, he'd surely disapprove.

But today something had changed; she could feel it in the air between them. His eyes were no longer guarded and his lips were no longer pursed. He still kept his eyes closed like every day, probably to avoid eye contact, but his brows were neater, more relaxed. And if she hadn't paid attention to the sounds around them, she would have entirely missed his question as she was watching the espresso machine.

"What's your name?"

The words startled her, but mostly, his voice startled her. It had the same gruff undertone Inuyasha's had, though this boy's voice was clearly younger, less deep. In time though, she was sure there would be no differences. Somehow, the implications scared her.

So far Kagome hadn't allowed herself to think of him as anyone else than a boy who donated blood for the hospital she worked at, but now it was obvious that she couldn't keep thinking that way. The similarities were striking, there was no denying it.

_He might be…_

"Kagome," she answered weakly, and was about to ask him for his name that could confirm every possibility that had been tormenting her, when a nurse appeared out of nowhere with a file in her hand, calling him. With an apologetic look, the boy whose name she still didn't know went running after the retreating nurse.

And as always, Kagome was left behind.

_Tasukete..._

* * *

**_A/N: There will be only one or two more chapters. I hope you're enjoying the story. Oh, and please review :)_**

**_Yakitori = a Japanese type of skewered chicken  
Tasukete = Help_**


	3. Kioku no Kakera

_**Kioku no Kakera**_

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

**_A/N: This is the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed the story and please review :D_**

**_Kioku no Kakera = Fragments of memory  
_**

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

For the last month, she had kept hearing strange rumors about the mystery boy that surprisingly donated blood daily and had disappeared for a while. Kagome didn't have to guess who it was – her heart could easily confirm her suspicions. Somehow, she was glad she didn't have to live with the anxiety daily, yet she missed his presence at the espresso machine.

From the very beginning she had been amazed that he was able to donate so much blood – unlike a normal person – yet she had not questioned it. Strange, because everyone in the hospital was very interested in the man's unusual health, but he never let anyone make too much tests on him – just the usual. With what she knew now, it had to be like him to be so guarded.

But she kept telling herself every day: _He is not Inuyasha._

And just as she convinced herself, the image of her precious hanyou came to mind and, without being able to help it, that boy that kept appearing in her dreams lately stood right next to him. There was no denying it – they were so alike, yet different all at once. There were days when she wondered where he was and why he wasn't coming back, but she figured it was best that way. She didn't know if she could ever stop comparing him to Inuyasha, and that wasn't fair to either of them. The attraction she felt for the young man that was MIA was somehow otherworldly, even though she believed it stemmed from her love for his predecessor. Kagome had no doubts that he was Inuyasha's reincarnation.

_Reincarnation. Just like I was for Kikyou._

And it dawned on her that perhaps Inuyasha had never been meant for her. There were centuries between them, after all – she had to admit it was a bit unnatural.

_**Very**__ unnatural._

But she loved him, and knew he had loved her.

_And then he died._

Tears came uncalled-for and Kagome wasn't silly enough to believe she could stop them from torturing her. Fragments of memories taunted her with their rudeness and malice; perhaps karma was telling her something. Many errors must have plagued her past incarnations, and even though it was far from fair, she embraced her fate. It was better than to live with hope for a better future that she knew wouldn't come and face deception. This way at least she knew what to expect.

A lifetime of misery, but it was bittersweet.

_Inuyasha…_

His name came so easily to her lips these days, whereas a couple of years ago she had experienced difficulty in even thinking of him without having her heart break into thousands of tiny, fascinating shards once again.

_I love you…_

She still did. She always would, and it was what kept her from trying to find that boy and getting to know him.

_Why do I always call him a boy? He's a man._

Yet thinking of him as a young, inexperienced boy made her feel better about ignoring him. About giving him a chance.

_When was it ever about me giving him a chance?_

Thoughts like these had begun plaguing her mind ever since he had stopped coming to the hospital.

"Have you heard?" Kagome heard from around the corner. The woman speaking seemed elated and in awe.

"Hear what?" the second person, an older man, asked, his voice laced with confusion.

"Kobayashi-san is back. This way Shimizu-san, Yoshida-san and Katou-san will be able to get the blood transfusion they need. We can finally release them afterwards. I was worried we would never find blood for them."

"It was fairly close, too," the man sighed, and Kagome leaned closer to the wall she now had her back against, trying to hear better. It was not like her to listen to people's conversations, but this particular one sparked something inside her chest and she couldn't let go of the feeling.

"But really? Kobayashi-san? Where has he been, did he say?" the man asked, and Kagome could hear steps coming her way, but she didn't care if anyone saw her here. She could explain that she was resting against the wall for a while.

"You know how he is…" the woman said, her tone indicating that she was smiling knowingly.

"Ah, yes."

Kagome wondered who this Kobayashi-san was, and her heart beat incredibly loudly in her ears when she took a wild guess.

Kobayashi.

A fitting name.

"Ah, there he is," the man exclaimed pleasantly and the woman all but squealed. Kagome's eyes widened in panic – was he there? It was a chance that Kobayashi wasn't the boy that oddly resembled her great love, but she highly doubted it in this moment. For the last month the entire hospital had been frantic about the man's sudden disappearance and now these two people sounded ecstatic about a certain Kobayashi that had returned and how now their patients could have blood transfusions. How hard could it be to guess correctly?

"Akiyama-sensei, Fukui-sensei," the voice Kagome had longed to hear acknowledged. Words stuck in her throat when she realized this Kobayashi person sounded slightly gruff. His voice was seemingly more mature than the first and last time she had heard it, and she wondered what had triggered this change. Strangely, it resembled Inuyasha's even more now. It was kind of disturbing.

"Kobayashi-san, we did not expect you to be back," the woman said kindly, her voice ringing nicely in Kagome's ears as delicate bells chiming pleasantly.

"I didn't originally intend to come back, Akiyama-sensei," he said after a few seconds of pausing, "but I had to."

"Oh, _had_ to?"

The man Kagome now knew was Fukui-sensei interrupted with a question. "And who is this lovely girl by your side? Is she your girlfriend?"

Kagome's head dropped in her stomach. As much as she had intended to stop hiding and confront the two doctors and Kobayashi, she couldn't now. She didn't have the strength to, anymore. He had a… girlfriend? Perhaps not, but why did it hurt so much?

_Is it because of you, Inuyasha?_

She hoped it wasn't.

"It's the only time she'll be here," Kobayashi, said, evading the question. Kagome heard a smile in the doctor's voice when he uttered his understanding and felt like suffocating. Kobayashi had avoided answering. If he was anything like Inuyasha, then it was true. Whoever she was, the girl was his girlfriend. He had a girlfriend.

Did he love her?

The smooth voices sounded more and more distanced as she walked away, trying to make as little sound as possible, though the high-pitched sound her high heels made was hard to muffle. Tears pricked at her eyes and an unexpected and unwelcome sob wrecked her entire body. She was lost.

Once again. She had lost him once again.

_He was never mine in the first place…_

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

The streets were loud as she walked slowly, her mind a chaotic haze. If she thought about Kobayashi, she would end up with a bitter taste in her mouth. If she thought about Inuyasha, there would be a bitter pang inside her heart. Wherever her mind traveled, it would become more painful than having a blade slice though her flesh agonizingly slowly. Physical pain she could deal with. This agony, however, was another thing.

And it had been going on since forever.

Kagome honestly could not remember a time when she had been happy, free. She couldn't remember the feeling of Inuyasha in her arms; she couldn't remember how it was to ride on his back, to have him grip her thighs protectively so she wouldn't fall, and it was so unfair.

Had she forgotten the feel of him? The sight of him – his voice, his touch?

Angry tears blamed her for losing such precious things, and deep down she realized that if it hadn't been for Kobayashi she probably wouldn't be able to remember all those things. How Inuyasha looked would always be ingrained in her soul, though she could no longer outline his features even with her naked mind, unless she thought about his similarities to Kobayashi.

Wasn't it a shame?

His voice, the way he always yelled at her, his gentle words when he knew she was particularly upset, his hoarse tone when they were sharing special moments, she missed them all.

"Inuyasha…"

She realized she might have spoken perhaps a bit too loud as some people looked at her curiously. The second thing she noticed was that she had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and blood rushed to her face in embarrassment – she probably looked a bit crazy. Or forlorn. Or both.

Soon the sun disappeared under the horizon and Kagome thanked the Kami for the quiet this particular evening brought. Her heart was more mollified right now. Kobayashi was not Inuyasha. Nobody could be Inuyasha, not even the man who had his face and voice.

The bench she sat on was cold, but she enjoyed the chilly shivers that made her body quiver. She could recall times when the feudal era had provided similar breezes and it made her feel strangely safe. Like someone was watching over her.

Subtle movement on top of the building in front of her had her eyes trailing upwards, inspecting every detail. Panic clutched her heart when she thought she saw something silver shining on the top of the building. Her hand on her chest, Kagome gulped thickly, grimacing at the bitter taste that filled her mouth.

She shook her head roughly – her mind had probably played tricks on her.

Then she heard something that sounded like grunts and yelps to her right, between the two buildings that could almost passed for semi-detached. The space between them was so narrow that Kagome couldn't imagine someone fitting there. But it sounded like people were fighting and her heart dropped in her stomach when she heard a very, _extremely_ familiar growl resound in the cold evening.

Then silence.

Utter, terrifying, bone-crashing silence.

_Something is wrong._

She didn't know why, but her feet commanded her to get up and follow the earlier sounds and inspect the situation. She could get mugged, or worse yet – murdered – but she didn't care at the moment. There was something that compelled her to go there and she couldn't help but to oblige.

What she saw frightened her. Her harms trembled in alarm when a single figure stood among many, _many_ fallen men. She forced her eyes to collide with the ground firstly, where bulky men that looked like thugs lay with bruised faces and rattled bodies, their eyes closed. One of them was actually surprisingly young, looking almost like a lost, torn boy, lying there in his own thin blood. She crouched next to him, eyes wide when she saw a bloody dagger in his hand. Without thinking, she reached to touch it and grimaced when blood coated her fingers.

But her breath was caught in her throat at the most startling view yet – the man that was obviously responsible for this.

Kagome knew his name – she'd said it in her mind one too many times even in the last hour.

_Kobayashi…_

And he had shoulder-length, silver hair, intense, golden eyes, dog-like ears atop his head and deadly-looking claws.

Her vision went blank.

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

A truck hitting her full-force could not scare her. Having to live on the streets would do virtually nothing to her nerves. Even being a cripple for the rest of her life didn't sound as overwhelming as the fact that she woke up alone in her apartment.

_He knows where I live._

And he looked exactly like Inuyasha. That was intimidating.

At least now she understood how he could donate so much blood. So he was… a half-demon? A true hanyou, like Inuyasha had been?

_Kami-sama…_

It was hard to swallow, hard to believe. And what did he want with her? How did he know where she lived?

_Maybe it was a dream._

But it wasn't. Even though her fingers appeared clean now, the smell lingering on them was metallic – _kind of like blood_ – and what was even better proof was the dried blood on her blouse, indicating that someone that had been in a fight had carried her. Then came the conclusion.

_It wasn't a dream._

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

She couldn't focus on this patient of hers. His problems were unimportant as Kagome couldn't stop thinking about what had happened this morning. She had gone to the espresso machine with a silly hope that she would see _him_ there. And she had, but he had all but run away from her. It was confusing, to say the least, and this man that stood in front of her on a comfortable armchair wouldn't stop whining about how girls didn't find him entertaining enough and how he 'just couldn't cope with their bitching'.

"Tough," Kagome snapped suddenly, "but have you ever stopped to think that perhaps they need you to understand them? Maybe you do entertain them just fine, but if you act like the asshole you are being now, then I can understand the lot of them. Get out of my office – I'm tired." In all reality, her head hurt, her eyes were starting to sting, and she hoped it wasn't from tears.

"Hey, woman, what's the matter with you?" He sounded incredulous. "I'm paying for this."

"No, you're not. Now out." And the door slammed shut.

Guilt gripped her instantly; she had snapped at a patient. This wasn't her. But anymore, she didn't know what _was_ her.

"Yash!" she heard someone exclaim just outside her office.

She grimaced at the shrill voice, but the name the girl was calling… Kagome hurried to her office door and opened it abruptly. She should have flinched or had a stunned reaction, but she wasn't at all surprised to see Inuyasha's look-alike a few steps away from her door, gazing sympathetically at a young girl. The girl looked to be about sixteen at most and was slightly pale.

Kobayashi turned shocked eyes at Kagome, almost squirming away, but he seemed to remember something important when he turned glaring eyes on the scrap of a girl in front of him.

"How many times have I told you not to come here, Yumi?" He was angry, ignoring Kagome completely. His hair and eyes were dark again, and he had no ears and claws. He seemed very _human._

"Okay, I'll go home, but I wanted to see you."

His gaze visibly softened and he sighed. Kagome suddenly found herself oddly jealous of the scene in front of her.

"I'll be there in half an hour."

Those words that slid out of his mouth smoothly as if spoken to a beloved person hit Kagome harder than a blow to the stomach – it was a blow to her heart. She closed her eyes for a second then moved to return to her office chair when a tentative voice stopped her.

"How are you?"

That was a safe question, she noticed. It didn't betray anything. She debated on what to do for a second and decided to turn around and face him.

"Fine." Words tumbled in her mind a bit, but she found courage to utter them. "And you? Are you hurt?"

"Keh, no," he scoffed as if it was oh-so-obvious and her eyes narrowed for an instant. So familiar.

She meant to ask him who he really was, but her voice didn't comply. "Why did you hurt those men?"

He didn't hesitate in answering, his intense gaze holding hers in a tight lock. "They were following you."

Straight questions, short answers. She wanted to understand him, so she avoided the inevitable.

"Why do you keep donating blood?"

"I'm strong." was his easy reply. Yes, she knew he was strong – she had witnessed it indirectly. But she heard what he wasn't willing to say: he felt useless not doing anything.

_I'm strong. I'll protect you._

Inuyasha had had that mentality, too.

"Kobayashi-san," she said cautiously, fumbling with the hem of her shirt, "who is that girl?"

He sighed; Kagome hadn't expected it. "Her name is Yumi." She had figured out that much, but waited for him to elaborate. "She's going to die."

Oh…

"I've been trying to help her, but the best I could do was to let her live with me. She's seventeen and has an incurable disease." It seemed that by not saying what disease it was he was trying to deal with the fact that soon the girl would die. There was a strong bond between the two and Kagome would never try to sever it. She was just too ecstatic now to have any envious intentions.

"Is that why you donate blood? To help others since you can't help her?"

He looked away like a dear caught in the headlights.

Kagome smiled. Even if she didn't know anything about this man, she felt drawn to him. For the first time, it occurred to her that he might really _be_ Inuyasha. So she took a few steps and came right in front of him, within touching distance. Her hand reached out towards him but stopped midway as she pondered on something. If she touched him, would she be able to let him go? Did she want to?

So she let her hand drop at her side as she bit her bottom lip.

"I think…" He trailed off. What he was trying to say was, "It _feels_ like I was born with an awareness of you."

Kagome closed her eyes shut, swallowing the thick saliva that was caught in her throat and forcing her body not to betray her inner struggle. Her eyes opened on their own accord. She had to know.

"What's your name?"

Dark orbs searched the depth of hers, most likely finding a variety of emotions stored there.

"Inuyasha."

And the world collapsed. Kagome threw herself into his arms, ignoring his startled, stiff posture. After a while, as her body was torn by relieved sobs, he softened in her embrace, holding her slightly tighter.

"I'm a half demon," he said and she nodded against his shirt, tears damping it.

"I know," she whispered, a curt laughter bubbling inside her chest and she released it, elation whispering that it was nearly impossible for her to be so happy. She hugged him tighter.

"I've been stalking you," he admitted and she smiled.

"I know that, too."

"During the day I'm human" was his final confession and her eyes snapped up to meet his in search for any signs of lying.

"Really?" When he didn't answer she smiled warmly. "That I didn't know." He smiled too.

And she realized then that her life was whole again. Inuyasha had found a way to come back to her. If that wasn't proof that their souls were supposed to be together she didn't now what was. Hectic times would surely await them, but she was in his arms and this time there was nothing that could take him away from her. She swore it.

Maybe they wouldn't have four kids like Inuyasha had once confessed was his wish, but they were surely going to spend their entire lives together.

**°°o°Oo.°o°.O**

**Epilogue**

"Honey, I told you," the man said unimpressed, flicking through his clothes smoothly. When he found the black-striped tie he was looking for he turned around to look at his beautiful, pregnant wife, and rolled his eyes at her pouting expression. "You're gorgeous."

But she was not convinced. Smirking slyly, he gave her an intimate look that had her eyes wide and her scent wild. Sunbeams were threatening to appear on the sky and his senses were dimming, but he could still smell better than a human so early in the morning.

"We'll miss the plane," she whimpered when he buried his nose in the crook of her neck, inhaling madly.

But he ignored her and trailed a searing path of saliva down to her exposed collarbone, triggering a heated response from the woman.

"You're gorgeous," he repeated. "I love you."

Her eyes filled with tears and he smiled, not at all alarmed. Her hormones were getting the best of her these days and he could tell she was truly happy. Although his wife was worried she was too 'fat' and 'round', he was sure even she noticed the beautiful way she radiated. He liked her best like that – heavy with his child, and the fact that it was the fourth time and he still wasn't tired of it should speak for itself. There was nothing more they could wish for.

"Come on, we'll go to Yumi then pick up the kids and then go see your mother," he said, wrapping the tie around his neck skillfully and watching Kagome hurry to get dressed. She wasn't even that far along anyway – otherwise he'd never risk a plane flight.

In half an hour they were at a place they new all too well. The tranquility here was almost eerie and Kagome could hardly believe the sorrow that overtook her. There was no word to describe how sad Inuyasha looked, and she felt grateful for having such a caring husband – his compassion was infinite.

"I miss her," he said, squeezing his wife's hand as he read the words engraved on the tombstone for the umpteenth time.

"I do, too," Kagome confessed, smiling as the wind picked up around the two. Yumi missed them as well, it seemed. "She knows we won't forget her." She had died a few weeks before turning eighteen and Inuyasha had been devastated. Kagome had let him grieve silently for almost a week until he had returned to her arms and cried. He had been taking care of the girl since he'd turned sixteen – when his parents passed away and he had to look after himself.

"Let's go," she urged after a while and he nodded, smiling faintly. They had to return to her family, to the shrine she had grown up in. They probably missed her because it had been years since she had seen them. They only knew their eldest son because she had only visited once, but both she and Inuyasha had found it more comfortable to remain in Yumi's hometown, where they had taken her on her deathbed.

In another half an hour they were trying to get their two sons to be quiet and do as they said. Their little daughter was the only one who listened to them and they both hoped their upcoming child would be a girl, as well. Those two boys were little devils.

"Come on, mommy," the smiling husband said, grabbing her ass playfully, relishing her surprised squeal.

Kagome placed a hand on her stomach and glared at her dark-haired husband, flushing when she saw him chuckle mirthfully.

"Whatever," she said in fake annoyance. "You get to deal with the kids." Yet his smile never faded as she'd expected, proving that he was, indeed, insanely happy with his family. And it didn't matter to her that his soul had once belonged to another half-demon in another era; she didn't even think of the differences or similarities between them – for Kagome, it was just Inuyasha and her, and they were finally happy together with a family of their own.

_Zutto Ikite…_

It had never sounded better.


End file.
